It can help them to learn from the process. You can’t protect them from everything and sometimes they’ll have to learn from natural consequences. They may have to learn and adjust to taking care of things on their own more. Each child has their own self-care items to help them feel more ownership. We put together a bathroom bag specifically for this purpose. Having their own items can help them to feel more motivated to try. Sometimes it can help to give tweens their own shampoo, their favorite toothpaste, or a body wash they really want to try. I’m really impressed with you.” Let your tween know you celebrate their wins. “I noticed you took care of brushing your hair and brushing your teeth without me asking. Focus on the days when they do check all the boxes or remember to do the one thing you struggle with. They may not get it right every day and that’s ok! Instead, focus on the wins. Instead, encourage them. This means instead of saying, “You might smell and get picked on” replace it with, “Let’s work on self-care so you don’t need me to bug you anymore.” Celebrate the wins. It can be tempting to point out the negatives. However, they are no longer the little kids you used to care for. When tweens don’t want to own their hygiene it can be very frustrating. Start small and work your way to independence. Some areas you might consider are consistent tooth brushing, making sure to brush their hair, or putting on deodorant. Instead of trying to conquer everything, start with small areas where they can own their hygiene. When it comes to hygiene with tweens, they can get very frustrated with being told to do it all. I also put a dry-erase marker in the bathroom so they can check off items as they complete them. I printed out this checklist and laminated it so that we could leave it in the bathroom. There are also checklist items for each time they shower. I have included basic care concepts like brushing her teeth, brushing their hair, and putting on deodorant in this teenage hygiene checklist. I tried to keep it fairly simple because tweens can be easily overwhelmed. I put together this checklist in hopes that my children would step up and take responsibility for these things. It became a daily thing and I just had enough. ![]() I found myself saying, “Have you brushed your teeth?” (Don’t they learn that when they are little? Does this kid have amnesia?) “Wash your face.” “Brush your hair.” I also love to eliminate the nagging mom where I can. ![]() I am a huge fan of fostering independence in my children where I can.
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